I've learned so much, I've come so far, my weight has gone down from 290 to 212 and back to 286. While the curve of the weight has fluxuated up and down, the journey has been in one direction - forward.
Through CrossFit classes, personal training, mentorship, OA meetings, hiking groups, bowling, swimming, running, walking, jump roping, the YMCA, and hours at LA Fitness, I have been doing something not only with my body but with my mind.
Through the zone diet, the paleo diet, body for life, the fat smash diet, and so on, I've learned a few themes: bread/beer/refined grains cause weight gain and hunger, lean meats are important but in small portion, vegitables should be at the center of every meal, and I need to bring food with me everywhere as to avoid temptation and settling for a quick meal on a bun. Good fats are important to staying full, staying hydrated is key and getting at least 7 hours of sleep. Stretching everyday and maintaining flexibility is essential.
Why did I gain it all back? I'm not sure - perhaps the sadness and frustration of my life has made my spirit and goals rebound and sent in another direction. Perhaps if I would have kept track more, or been more open with my friends about my goals, perhaps if I had stopped touring years ago and gone back to USC instead of CalArts when the weight gain in 2012 happened. Dating Libby and Heather tore me apart, and during that time it got to my spirit of how I looked at myself.
Whats different in 2017? I have my own apartment, I'm more financially stable than ever before, I feel like the path is clear for me right now with my career goals, I'm going to get my record done.
Counseling has been incredibly helpful because I'm learning how important it is to be in relationship with everything in your life.
Had I told myself in 2009 I'd be back here in 2017 I would have cried, been angry, and hated myself for it. Yet here I am today, calm, composed, and content that life has got me through another 8 years, and I've been growing ever since. I'm ok with where I am today, and I'm grateful for my life.
How can I go forward? I can take what I have learned and all the feelings associated with it, and keep track. I can enter daily on my blog what I'm doing with my workout and diet. I can surround myself with others who want to also stay fit and learn about health. I can meditate and reset myself every single day. I can do more when I travel.
I promise I'm going to work on this. I promise I'm going to continue to be kind to myself. I promise that I will be aware of what I eat and if its allowing me to lose weight and feel better. I promise to listen to my body more, whenever I have time during the day. I promise to look at myself in the mirror and be proud and grateful for who I am. I promise to recognize weight is a measurement and only one aspect of having good health. I promise to commit myself to visiting the doctor and getting his opinions.
Today:
20 min eliptical
5 sets standing curls
5 sets leg raises
Breakfast:
Toast with eggs and avocado
Lunch:
Protein Acai Bowl
Dinner:
Tuna Salad made from home
*Goldblum gig: one red wine.
Thank you so much for all your love and support.
