Day 508

It was hard, but I had to do it. Today, I stepped onto the scale. I know things haven't been perfect in december, and while for the most part january has been good, ive still not been able to work out as much as I need. Regardless, I had to know. And the damage is in. Im up to 230 now. No arguing with this one. I was 218 back in the fall, and now Ive managed to pack 10+ on.

As I sit here in my disheveled apartment, waiting for another day of teaching to befall me, I look out my window and see the two towering palms over my apartment and the blue sky behind them. Im thinking - can I really get there? What are people going to think this summer if I haven't reached 190? Will they see me as a failure? Will I be able to lose the weight in time? How does my mom affect my weight and will her move to Portland change things? How can I work around my difficulties?

So now, Its up to me to answer these questions. First of all, Im going to clean my apartment right away, and the teaching will be easy today - mostly new students and continuations of things we've been working on, as always.

Answers:

1. Yes, I can get there, because that's where I should be.
2. If I haven't reached 190, people will still be impressed by my weight loss
3. No, they won't see me as a failure
4. Yes, I can lose the weight in time - its 15 weeks till the pioneer challege, and 20+ weeks until the tour
5. Eating out affects my weight, and thats what I do around my mom - after she's back in portland, im sure things will get easier for me without the temptation to make bad choices
6. Plan ahead, keep packing lunches, and keep driving back to Long Beach - its worth the gasoline money and time to come back down here for a workout - or keep an extra set of workout clothes in the escort.

If I try to lose 2 pounds/wk until my birthday, I can be 200 by the pioneer challenge and 190 by the tour - but I have to start this week!