John's Weblog

Day 1107

2008-09-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

Not having an easy time here. Im really upset, angry, stuck, mad, and I want to be left alone. .

Day 1095

2008-08-27T22:37:00.000-07:00

Today was tough, I did well with the diet and exersize, but Im just in gridlock with everything else. My schedule is a mess, I can't get my students organized, Im not prepared to go on the road, Im tired, and I need my time to get ready for all the shows coming up. Im definitely feeling the stress right now.

Tomorrow marks the 3 year mark of losing weight. Im really proud of myself. I know I've kept it off this long and I can keep it off. Now I just need to lose another 50 pounds and Ill be home free.

I can do it. I was closer today.

Diet:

Oatmeal, almonds, pistacios, potstickers w/hummus, apple, 2 luna bars, more almonds and pistasios, jerky, a turkey sand (this was whipped together in a short amount of time and had some stuff I didn't want, like mayo and white bread, but still a good choice) then at 9:30 when I got home, I had pita w/turkey, cabbage, lettuce, and more hummus

Workout was a good run on the beach today.

My weight is up today at 224-225. Very discouraging, but I know its just the beginning. Got to keep moving on and looking at past blog entries.

Thanks for the support.

Day 1094

2008-08-26T23:31:00.001-07:00

Getting close to the three year mark, trying to balance my weight down by the 220 mark for the anniversary.

Diet:

BreakfasT: oatmeal. Lunch: potstickers w/hummus. Snack: assorted jellies, 100 grand bar, diet 7up. later snack: apple; dinner: whole wheat pasta, chicken, w/hummus

I ate way too much pasta tonight,should have avoided the sugared bars

excersize: twice around the lake

I wish I had someone to be with right now. Im so freaking lonely.

Day 1093

2008-08-25T23:04:00.000-07:00

Went to the grocery store. Tried to load up on as many fruits and veggies that I would actually eat and not have sitting around my house like ornaments.

Brunch: fixed cuban style black beans with brown rice and turkey meatballs. . . didn't finish half of it

teaching snack: tortilla chips, granny smith apple, rice cakes, luna bar.

dinner at 9:30pm: whole wheat pasta, 3 small chicken thighs, little mozzarella and hummus

Really all hit the spot, not that bad for me. . . except my dinner was too late, and i ate too large of a portion before going to bed. As I sit here and write this blog, its all going to the mid section. . .

Excersize was great, walked around echo park lake this morning and jogged from hermosa to manhattan at night. If only I did that for the past 1000 plus days. . . then id probably have it off of me. .

The good news, Im feeling alot better today than I did last week after feeding on fast food everyday while i stressed out about everything in my life. Right now Im trying to excert that stress into postitive gains like working out and eating right. We'll see how long this goes. . . Its going to go for a while now. . . ill just say that.

Weight: 224

Day 1092

2008-08-24T22:42:00.000-07:00

Hello to my blog, how I have missed our regular hang.

I've not been around because I've been lazy, forgetful, tired, and in general, off track. Im ready to get back on. Its time for me to get moving again.

I leave on tour next week for a month with New West. We're now a trio, its better than ever. Still no love life yet. Still somewhere around 225 pounds. Was 214 last march. I know I can reach 190 by the end of the year with my trainer. There's a reason I've been large the past two years. I know I can really look great below 200 mark.

Going to go to the store in the morning and get the groceries for the week. Im committing myself to eating well, and base my diet around fruits and vegitables. Tomorrow, and maybe wednesday, are my final days of running on the beach until the end of tour. Going to try and kick my ass tomorrow.

Things are going to be great in the fall and Im going to prime myself in september by trying to lose some pounds on the road.

I thank god, my mom, and my friends, for continuing their support.

Things have never been so messed up in my dad's family as they are now. And you know what, Im going to let it all go. Im going to try to figure out how to let go of the anger so I don't let it out on someone and either kill them, or assult them. That would be bad.

Going to start dating again in the fall, whether or not Im as thin as I want to be.

And anyone who doesn't believe that this can happen, myself included, can just go screw themselves.

Cheers and looking forward to getting there. Im going to get myself a new outfit when I do. Something in style at the moment. Not even sure what it is right now.

Day 781

2007-10-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

emergency, working on getting back into it.
Will post more info at a later date.
Current mark: 228.

Day 771

2007-10-07T01:01:00.000-07:00

Free day.

excersize: walk/run around echo park lake

food:

1. eggs
2. cottage cheese
3. 2 hamburger patties
4. tomatoes
5. 2 cookies
6. ham and cheese croissant
7. in n out burger and fries - killer! . . . .was awesome
8. 2 twix bars!!
9. and water
10. some diet coke

Day 770

2007-10-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

Excersize: a brisk walk around the lake. . . again. . .

1. cereal w/milk
2. some peanut butter
3. corned beef sandich w/lettuce, tomato, mustard
4. pickle
5. diet coke
6. 1 small brownie
7. 2 tamales w/salsa
8. yep you guess it, water

nice rehearsal w/pritchard and hang with brian green and brady today, lots of fun. Practiced and prepared for the new west gig tommorrow - looking forward to that. Had a nice chat with my friend v.f. on ichat about her fish, and other random stuff. I don't care what it is we talk about, i always enjoy talking with her. Then i sat and watchted TV and messed around on the internet, thinking about my fitness way too much. Im glad I don't have a scale in the house right now. I don't need it.

Day 769

2007-10-04T20:09:00.000-07:00

Excersize: four times around echo park lake, running and walking intervals

diet:
1. cereal
2. peanut butter spoonful
3. turkey sanwich w/swiss and mustard
4. chips and salsa
5. 2 lean beef patties
6. cottage cheese
7. tomato
8. 4 eggs (between breakfast and dinner)
9. water
10. 2 lean turkey sausages w/buns and mustard

Perfect, I give myself a 10 today.

Practice, did a ton in the morning and none in the evening.

Day 768

2007-10-04T00:29:00.000-07:00

Great day today! Practice was off and on, but i taught a bunch and had a productive new west rehearsal. Im going to shed like crazy for the next three days to prepare for the video shoot.

Excersize: twice around the lake

Diet:
1. cereal w/milk
2. scrambled eggs w/salsa
3. 1 spoonful of peanut butter
4. 1 chicken cesar salad wrap w/pickles and peppers
5. 12" subway tuna sub w/all the right veggies
6. bag of lays baked chips
7. diet coke
8. water

I resisted tempation to eat candy and cookies twice today - i really made some progress. . .
i can see the trends. Today was a big day for me, Im definetly on the road again. Lets see how I do tommorrow!

190 here I come. . .

Day 767

2007-10-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

Today ran twice - first, twice around echo park lake, then second, around elysian park up and down in the hills. I like this neighborhood, its great for excersizing. . . . . .

Today i ate well:

1. cereal
2. 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter
3. water
4. chicken tamales w/salsa
5. some tortilla chips
6. 2 clif bars throughout the day
7. chicken
8. rice
9. salad w/italian dressing
10. 1 slice of bread
11. water
12. twix bar

This was a great diet, based around protein at every meal, but also good fats. While I could have cut calories by avoiding the twix bar, and the dressing, and the chips, that would probably have been 500 calories right there. Tommorrow, im going to make my big lunch, and a nice breakfast. Ill have to plan on my meal for the evening.

Practice wise, I worked again on coltrane tunes, at pretty fast tempos. Spent some time looking at chord chemestry, and frankly enjoying my way getting into the groove.

Day 766

2007-10-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

Settled into my new place, i ran around echo park lake today. Very nice, im going to do this everyday from now on.

Today i ate:

1. kashi cereal
2. 1 toast w/peanut butter
3. 2 chicken tamales
4. chips/salsa
5. bread
6. bbq chicken salad
7. soda

Today I practiced about an hour, again worked on Lazy Bird, Stella, and in general, my phrasing.

alright- tommorrow, leaner, no soda, avoid chips, more running, and perhaps some sit ups too. . . look over some tunes haven't seen in a while. Work on ii-V ideas.

and Im on the road to recovery. . .

Day 750

2007-09-16T09:13:00.001-07:00

What a past few months

Ive been to europe, been on tour with NWGQ (and as of today, still on the road for another week), marked the 10th anniversary of my dad's stroke, moved out of long beach, and am still in the middle of trying to start over again for this year

My weight goals haven't been met, and while Im giving myself another year, I know its going to take several more months to catch up and near the mark i have been wanting to be at for over two years.

Its amazing to think that I've keep off about 75 pounds, and even more daunting to know I would like to lose 40 more. I reached 216 back in may, and now have ballooned back up to 230. Eating weird food at weird hours in weird places while being on the road for two months definetly takes its toll after a while.

I made it through yesterday. It wasn't easy, I can remember how bad things were 10 years ago and how far many of us still have to go. My mom still is trying to get settled, and of course, being in my profession, im still trying to get grounded as well. My dad is trying his best, and I could only wish that we were able to have more in common. It seems our paths are spread so far apart now. I wish we could spend more time together and get to know one another again, or at least do lots of the stuff we used to do together. It was so nice to go fishing again back in july.

Seeing my friends in Bend, OR really hit home for me, now I see where Id probably be had we not left town. I saw the girl who I have missed so much the past 10 years, and it was like seeing her all over again for the first time. That was difficult to say goodbye again.

I drove through Pendleton on tour and spent a week there prior to leaving. Its a difficult place to visit. I feel so much pain while im there, and yet this ever present connection to my past which I can't seem to let go of. Also, for one reason or another, i feel guilty every time I go there. Like i could have prevented everything and the misery that I see all my family go through. Still not sure quite what to do about those feelings. Bend was hard too, it was great to see old friends but i was so sad to be back there and not call it home. I just wanted to park my car in front of 1861 autumnwood ct, walk in, see our dog, my parents - probably my mom would be working in the garden and my dad flipping through daytime TV shows on his so called "break' from work (which in the end was pretty much always). Then walk up stairs to my room, which would probably feel a bit out dated, and then visit my friends who i would have seen and been with all those years. I guess this is all a dream which, for some sad reason, was never supposed to come true for me.

So today im making another promise to myself again, to constantly work toward building my sense of home and stability in my life. A lot of this also has to do with the weight loss goals I've had.

-trying to make wherever I am feel like home, because home is where the heart is.
-moving on from wanting my childhood back, which came to an abrupt halt when my family crumbled apart on sept. 15 1997
-stop blaming myself for the decisions my parents made, which included the poor health habits i saw in my father
-stop wishing that my parents will change and start accepting them and "coping" with their lifestyles
-finding new ways of getting support in my life from my friends, career and myself.
-taking the next step in bettering myself by trying to feel good about my physique, and losing the weight
-Realizing that the weight is simply a physical manifestation of how i have felt inside all these years, and its okay and reasonable to think im going to struggle with reaching my goal
-losing the physical weight is much easier than unloading the emotional weight.

So im going to keep trying. And while this week might be difficult, considering im still traveling, im going to at least attempt to bring down that number i saw on the scale this morning.

Day 750 here we go. . . . ..

Day 641

2007-06-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

1. Trader Joe's soup
2. Chicken Sandwich w/tomato and lettuce
3. caesar salad
4. walnut cookie
5. 1 orange soda
6. glass of water

excersize: 20 min eliptical

Tommorrow, im going to try and take a dent into the food I have here at my place, and prepare to go grocery shop for the next two weeks on monday - also going to do some weights tommorrow, im going to go to bed early tonight so I can get up in time in the morning.

Day 635

2007-05-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, a month went by, and I completly blew off my blog. . . I guess this is still part of this long journey im still on -

This month has not been very strong for me in terms of staying on track, however I have made some improvements here and there. Its a new month tommorrow and June 2007 is going to be a big month for me with regards to my health.

Salude,

John

Day 600! (day 22 of BFL challenge)

2007-04-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

600 days and nearly half the man i was, here I am in my apartment beginning another day of practicing and composing, preparing myself for further musical adventures down the road. While I may not have a gig tonight, I know that my gigs are coming soon and like all men in the military i must be ready for action.

My fitness plan has overwhealmingly gone superb. Ive kept the weight off, and lost another 10 pounds for over a year. While I still want to lose another 30 pounds, I know im on the verge of it. Right now, I need to focus more on my music and hopefully that will distract me enough to get the last bit off. . . . .

I broke my promise to myself this morning though, and stepped on the scale. But Its good news because I seem to have lost a few pounds the past couple weeks, and yet my waist line is still the same - i guess this means im gaining some muscle and losing some flab.. . .

Today I started using a timer in the weight room - I didn't realize how fast I was going before. Now I can pace myself a bit more (to quote good old Mr. Talbot, wherever you are. . .) and slow down. I think that slowing down my weight routiene, in particular, will get me some better results. New workout clothes yesterday, always excite me, and im ready to start doubling up on my cardio sessions. Since today was a weight day, tommorrow will be some eliptical action in the morning and then im going to go for a run when i get back from what will presumably be a slow day of teaching tommorrow.

So todays song is going to have two vibes. . . . im trying to figure them out right now, we'll see how it goes.

Wish me luck with all this, it seems my life is so simple right now - all i have to do is write about 10 tunes for myself, another few tunes for the guitar quartet, continue to book our summer tour, and lose another 30-45 pounds! And while all these tasks may seem easy, they do take a lot of planning and goal work. We'll see how it all goes. . .

Cheers to 600 days and a NEW LIFE!

597/19

2007-04-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

The day started off perfect and ended in utter catastrophe diet wise. Excersize was good today too, tommorrow is going to be hard also with the swimming and all, im looking forward to it.

By next week, things should be back to normal. Im actually seeing some better definition this week, im excited that improvements have surely been made the past couple weeks.

Music wise, worked on the new west record today, didn't get much practicing in. . .

595/17 (yesterday)

2007-04-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

Splurged quite a bit at the harbor house, had fries and the works, still had a great workout in the morning. At night had a nice shrimp dinner

Today is day 596/18 and im going to go swimming right now. . . .

started working on a version of im getting sentimental over you for the quartet, in a samba style, we'll see how it goes. . . more to come for today's post. . .

Day 594/16

2007-04-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

I had three meals this weekend that would qualify as destructive to my diet, not only because they were pretty big, but because I ate so late into the evening. I seem to be back on track now - the excersize is coming along great, yesterday worked upper body exclusively and today Im going to go swim hard. I packed a great lunch yesterday and wasn't hungry for a second . . . thats so much the key. . .

Im still working on this goal for a due date of early july, and I think I can still get there. This is really, really, really hard work for me now. I never thought it would be this tough.

Music wise, im excited to work on some organ trio arrangements today. I've got some great gigs coming up in the coming months to look forward to and im so excited for this.

Thanks so much for all your support everyone and I look forward to the journey ahead!

Day 589/11

2007-04-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

So far, so good - still doing well with the excersizing. However, yesterday i ate out all three meals, but i still made good decisions. Today, i've been a bit off, having cereal, 2 pieces of toast for breakfast, and for lunch 2 beef patties, 2 corn dogs, 1 whole wheat pita. For my dinner im going to pack, ill be sure to put in a bunch of vegitables and maybe a half of a sandwhich instead of a whole one. I swam hard this morning, and it felt great. Tommorrow, is lower body weights. Saturday morning, im going on a long run. I've started measuring again, which i really should stop. But im doing well, i've lost 1 1/2 inches the past 11 days! so now i only need to lose 8 to get to my goal. . . i can do it! cheers

Music wise, composed some more pop stuff today, and worked on that hard classical piece i have to perform on sunday. Ran through the changes on a few tunes, now its off to teach and tonight a rehearsal with Slide Fx - should be fun.

. . . here comes mom again. . . uh oh. . .

day 587/9

2007-04-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

Last night was fun again, an evening of jamming at the mint and hanging with lots of friends from out of town. Although I sounded like crap last night, im still trying to not be too self-concious of my playing.

Man its so tempting to drop a line on the AIM, but i know she's busy and ill have to wait until at least tommorrow afternoon. . . the suspense is just crazy!!!! !?!?!!@#!@!

Today, i rode the bike at the Y, cause the machines were all taken, still feeeling amazing, and i've already lost over an inch around my waist! Im still determined to not step on the scale until the end of the month. . ..

diet has been great, yesterday ate perfectly, today i intend on doing the same.

Hopefully when my mom comes to town this week, ill be able to plow through and not fall victim to her taking me out for dinners and stuff. I've bought my groceries, and I intend on still cooking them here.

I think the key to success right now is to really focus on my music, and then the weight will come off, i've been so fixiated with the goal i think its been frankly rather distracting and defeated the whole purpose to begin with. And everything has changed since i met her last weekend, i think this has helped too, we'll see how well it all goes. . . .

Day 586/8

2007-04-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

Things have been great! Yesterday ate a great diet, today shopped at trader joes, bought enough food for a couple weeks, have been doing well with the excersize and it feels good to stay away from the scale for a while. My goal is to get to my birthday with this and then scale in. Talk about a wonderful week - i was out all week listening to music and sitting in at jam sessions, and on friday I hung out with some friends and met the most amazing girl ;-) then saturday i had an evening to myself where i swayed from the diet for one meal and had some delicious fish tacos and a brownie for desert - yum. Yesterday was all protein, lean ground w/cottage cheeze, peaches, tomatoes, and lettuce and for dinner spinich/potato soup.

Im excited for this week to get to hang with her again, continue to write and practice, and focus on progressing with my lifing routine. Today i did lower body, tommorrow is all cardio, and then ill work on upper body on wednesday.

I also budgeted things out for me this week and i seem to be doing quite well for myself financially right now.

Things could be worse. . . wish me luck with it all :-)

Day 582/4

2007-04-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

After four days on the challenge, im feeling great - and im seeing and feeling huge improvements. Although, its been tough to make this a perfect week, but it sure has been perfect in all aspects of the word. My diet has been streamlined, and my excersize has been balanced and effective. Yesterday:

Lower body routine - leg press, lunges, crunches, standing calf raises, etc.

Diet:

1. cereal
2. cottage cheeze
3. brown rice
4. vegie patties
5. artichoke hearts
6. salsa
7. cesar salad
8. salmon - 3-4 oz
9. steamed veggies
10. some white bread w/sesame seeds
11. wheat toast w/peanut butter
12. water water water

Today, i had a great swimming session in the morning, and a good breakfast, im going to shoot for a similar lunch and dinner, i think that my motto of "consistancy gets results" still holds true, and while Im going to try my best with not getting bored with this food, im going to try to stick to the same stuff, maybe then ill drop a few more pounds.

I really want to take things one day at a time right now and focus on the goal . . . come the 4th of july i want to see some results. Its been a great year so far, march had its ups and downs, but overall, i've had great trajectory and I need to keep the positive reinforcement going. Maybe this body for life challege will really push me over the top? We'll see!

Day 580/2

2007-04-03T10:42:00.000-07:00

The dawn of a new horizon, and April, have both arrived. After a month of frankly being rather depressed, being invaded by the big M for the majority of the month, and the spring break season, im now ready to buckle down for the next 12 weeks and get these damn results that have been so flimsy for me the past few months. I've decided to enter the body for life challege, and we'll see how it goes, my before pictures are still pretty etrocious, and I can only hope that ill see that six pack come july. So here are a few changes i've made to my diet and plan:

1. Im taking a vacation from the scale and tape measure - im not going to weigh in until my birthday - May 5 or the day of the Pioneer Challege - May 10. and then ill weigh in after the challenge is done.
2. Im cutting out the processed foods i was buying like pretzels, chips, any sort of snack bar, and any other sort of thing that trader joes has, you'd think it would be healthy, but i think its been preventing me from getting to my goals.
3. Im trying my best to cut all soda out all together, that includes diet soda
4. Im trying to eat out only once a week right now - this might be the hardest goal . . .
5. Im going to alternate between weight routiene and cardio routienes - this way i can maximize both sessions without just dabbling in both for an extended period of time
6. And honestly, im trying NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT all the time!

I have my music to work on, lots of composition goals, and tunes to write . . . I honestly believe that it will come to me when i least expect it, and most want it. . . and after 9 months of staggering 30-50 pounds from my goal, I know now that i want it bad. . . I also want my music bad too, and after last night's session, that was once again re-iterated for me again. . .

yesterday I had:

1. cereal
2. cottage cheese
3. carrots
4. peanutbutter/jam on whole wheat pita
5. almonds
6. celery
7. brown rice
8. 2 morningstar veggie patties
9. artichoke hearts
10. salsa
11. cobb salad w/avocado, chicken, bacon, apple, and balsamic vinegarette dressing

exersize: upper weights routine, the seated dumbell press was hardest for me . . .

today Im going to have:

1. cereal
2. cottage cheese
3. carrots
4. brown rice
5. artichoke hearts
6. 1 mini-pizza bambino
7. peanut butter/jam sandwhich
8. celery
9. almonds
10. laughing cow cheese

exersize: cardio on the eliptical 25 minutes - from 10-25, alternating intervals low int 2 min, high int 1 min. . .

So far im on the right track and I already feel better, and its only been 2 days into this - more journaling to come. . .

Day 565

2007-03-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

Less inspiration today unfortunetly, haven't really gotten into my groove with the writing thing . . . . still chopping out this arrangment of pensativa, not sure where exactly its going right now . . . hopefully tommorrow, more with that.

Workout was good today, still around 218-220 range. Had a great breakfast, cereal and cottage cheese followed by a lunch with a mini-pizza, brown rice, and green beans. After lunch, I had a crazy chocolate craving!! had to ignore that one, started nibling on some cereal to get my mind off of it. I must say though, its hard, i almost walked down the street to seven-eleven to get my twix . .. . ahh the tempations. ..

dinner is TBD, but probably pack myself a sandwich and some celery and carrots. hopefully that will be enough to get me through the teaching tonight - a long one, i think i got like 3.5 hours today. . .